Weaning is such sweet sorrow...

When I was pregnant with my third child, Alex, I had set my mind on breastfeeding. I knew that my lack of success with my other two children was due to a lack of knowledge on breastfeeding. After all, just because it's natural doesn't mean it comes to you (or your baby) naturally. Yes, all babies are born with the basic need, tools, and know-how to breastfeed, but there is a lot of interference at play in today's maternity wards, and it can and does affect breastfeeding.

I figured in order to have an enjoyable and successful breastfeeding relationship this time around, I would need to arm myself with some basic understanding of what makes a good nursing relationship. Most women will tell you that the first few weeks are tough, but after that, it's smooth sailing. But many times, "tough" doesn't even begin to describe those first few weeks of nursing, as I experienced with baby #1.

My first source was nursing forums on the web, like different breastfeeding groups on the mothering site Cafemom.com. I learned a lot from these women, but many of them didn't seem to be too hell bent on nursing. There were many posts on weaning for convenience, supplementing, and bad advice that even I, as a so far unsuccessful nursing mother, noticed was bad. I was lucky enough to get a copy of "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (a new edition has just recently been released with more updated information and witty writing style). This book was GREAT. I feel I owe my breastfeeding relationship with Alex to La Leche League. I read every chapter in that book that would pertain to the beginning of my nursing relationship.

At the moment of Alexander's birth in to this world, I accepted him on to my chest. We gazed in to each other's eyes and I attempted to latch him on the breast. Nope, he didn't want anything to do with it. However, after a little time had passed, he eagerly found his way and latched on. But I popped him right off.

One thing I had learned was my cracked, bleeding nipples with my first child, Maggie, were *not* normal and could have been avoided. Pacifiers and a lack of knowledge on how a baby SHOULD latch led to me suffering because of her poor, shallow latching during nursing. When Alex began his first breastfeeding, he was doing it wrong. I removed him from the breast, and we attempted again. As we would continue to breastfeed over the next few days, I continued to correct his latch when it wasn't perfect. I knew how to and what to look for, because I had made sure to learn before hand. It's hard enough adjusting to a new baby, much less a new baby and two toddlers *and* learning how to breastfeed! Having the information before all that stress made this whole nursing thing a ton easier.

Once we settled in to it, our nursing relationship took off. I knew I was going to breastfeed, but I was so happy to have been able to make it that much easier. My plan was to let Alex nurse until he weaned, an age that varies widely across the globe, and even across the country. Most children in the US wean between ages 2-3, but it's hard to tell as extended or "full-term' nursing isn't very common (or accepted) in the US and many women feel societal pressures to wean, even before the recommended and encouraged age of 1.

I must admit, I really didn't think he would nurse past 2. Age 2 was my goal. It is the minimum recommendation from the World Health Organization and the benefits of breastmilk don't stop...ever. I knew his health, and mine, would be optimal for as long as he continued to nurse. But again, I didn't know exactly how long that was going to last.

His 2nd birthday came and went, and "nursies" were one of his favorite past-times. I was happy to continue nursing, afterall, he was hardly sick and suffered no ear infections in his first 2 years of life.

Around age 2.5 I started to encourage and enforce certain rules. If he threw a fit, demanded to nurse, or pulled at my shirt, he was not going to nurse. He would have to wait. If the fit continued, he was not getting it. Just as with anything else, I disciplined him for bad or inappropriate behavior and his attitude toward nursing was no different. I also attempted to night wean him, as I noticed he was losing his suckling reflex (a sign that your child may be ready to wean) and it was getting painful to nurse at night.

I was not at all prepared for him to stop all together, and even these attempts at "regulating" breastfeeding were hardly successful, though I didn't give in or up.

Around the age of 2 years and 10 months my friend was visiting. Alex announced to her that he "had nursies for the last time.". It was so matter of fact and we both laughed at how funny the statement was. He responded with "Yup, I'm a big boy now.". At that moment in time, I did not believe anything he had said. He had been going to bed without nursing, and was maybe nursing once at night, but he still asked during the day. Some days it was only once or twice, others it seemed much more than that, but it didn't seem near done.

Sure enough, that *was* the end of it. As much as I was feeling ready for it to be over, I was surprised at how I felt once it WAS over. I think, in part, because I had expected to know the last time he was nursing, to remember it. To end the last 3 years with some sort of big "Hoorah!". But no, he had decided he was done. Perhaps, in part, to my gentle encouragement that we needed to go about things a little differently.

I do miss it every now and again, just because the bond was so wonderful and we were able to make that quiet, calm connection in the middle of a hectic day, but all in all, I am happy. It seems a little odd now, to have had this relationship for so long and now it's gone. He has become quite the snuggle bunny. I love it, because now we can just cuddle and he doesn't decide to start demanding to nurse, as if that was all I was good for. Instead, I get hugs, kisses, "I love you, mommy".

Yes, it's sad to think he has nursed for the last time, and I don't even know when that was, but I really like this "new" relationship. I hope that by nursing him until he and I were both done has served him well. I'm happy to have made such a turn around and he has taught me so much about mothering. Now, I can look forward to continuing to grow in our relationship, and to nursing the next baby until he/she is "a big boy or girl". :)

What's in Breast Milk?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life. It is optimal for both babies and mothers. For babies it can protect against infections and reduce the rates of later health problems including diabetes, obesity, and asthma.

For mothers breastfeeding helps the uterus to contract and bleeding to cease more quickly after delivery. Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of breast and ovarian cancer and also provides a great way for mothers to bond with their babies.

Find a Lactation Conultant in Your Area

The advantages of breastfeeding are numerous. Breast milk is ultimately the best source of nutrition for a new baby. Many components in breast milk help protect your baby against infection and disease. The proteins in breast milk are more easily digested than in formula or cow’s milk. The calcium and iron in breast milk are also more easily absorbed.

The following is a brief overview of the components of breast milk and the nutrients they provide for your baby.

Proteins

Human milk contains two types of proteins: whey and casein. Approximately 60% is whey, while 40% is casein. This balance of the proteins allows for quick and easy digestion. If artificial milk, also called formula, has a greater percentage of casein, it will be more difficult for the baby to digest. Approximately 60-80% of all protein in human milk is whey protein. These proteins have great infection-protection properties.

Listed below are specific proteins that are found in breast milk and their benefits:

• Lactoferrin inhibits the growth of iron-dependent bacteria in the gastrointestinal tract. This inhibits certain organisms, such as coliforms and yeast, that require iron.
• Secretory IgA also works to protect the infant from viruses and bacteria, specifically those that the baby, mom, and family are exposed to. It also helps to protect against E. Coli and possibly allergies. Other immunoglobulins, including IgG and IgM, in breast milk also help protect against bacterial and viral infections. Eating fish can help increase the amount of these proteins in your breast milk.
• Lysozyme is an enzyme that protects the infant against E. Coli and Salmonella. It also promotes the growth of healthy intestinal flora and has anti-inflammatory functions.
• Bifidus factor supports the growth of lactobacillus. Lactobacillus is a beneficial bacteria that protects the baby against harmful bacteria by creating an acidic environment where it cannot survive

Fats

Human milk also contains fats that are essential for the health of your baby. It is necessary for brain development, absorption of fat-soluble vitamins, and is a primary calorie source. Long chain fatty acids are needed for brain, retina, and nervous system development. They are deposited in the brain during the last trimester of pregnancy and are also found in breast milk.

Vitamins

The amount and types of vitamins in breast milk is directly related to the mother’s vitamin intake. This is why it is essential that she gets adequate nutrition, including vitamins. Fat-soluble vitamins, including vitamins A, D, E, and K, are all vital to the infant’s health. Water-soluble vitamins such as vitamin C, riboflavin, niacin, and panthothenic acid are also essential. Because of the need for these vitamins, many healthcare providers and lactation consultants will have nursing mothers continue on prenatal vitamins.

Carbohydrates

Lactose is the primary carbohydrate found in human milk. It accounts for approximately 40% of the total calories provided by breast milk. Lactose helps to decrease the amount of unhealthy bacteria in the stomach, which improves the absorption of calcium, phosphorus, and magnesium. It helps to fight disease and promotes the growth of healthy bacteria in the stomach.

Breast Milk is Best

Breast milk has the perfect combination of proteins, fats, vitamins, and carbohydrates. There is nothing better for the health of your baby. Leukocytes are living cells that are only found in breast milk. They help fight infection. It is the antibodies, living cells, enzymes, and hormones that make breast milk ideal. These cannot be added to formula.

Though some women ultimately are not able to breastfeed, many who think they cannot actually are able to breastfeed. Lactation consultants are able to provide support to women learning to breastfeed. For those who are not able to breastfeed, milk banks can be an alternative.

Last Updated: 08/2006

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Compiled using information from the following sources:

Breastfeeding the Newborn: Clinical Strategies for Nurses. Biancuzzo, Marie, 1999.

Bestfeeding: How to Breastfeed Your Baby. Renfrew, Mary et al, 2004.

Diaries of a Milk Maid

While pregnant with my first child I didn't have a strong belief or point of view on breastfeeding. It is widely accepted and believed to be the ideal choice of food for any infant, but for many, including my former self, formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute. Infant formulas are also often believed to be just as good as breastmilk. And why not believe this, it's how they are marketed, many hospital nurses push it even when you wish to breastfeed, and the answer to any problem with a nursing infant is to supplement with formula. Is it any wonder I hardly breastfed my first daughter past a few months?

During the short time I breastfed Maggie, I didn't enjoy it. I was told that cracked and bleeding nipples were part of the horrors of breastfeeding, and so when mine became cracked and bloody, I nursed through it, and of course, hated the experience. I wasn't informed by anyone that the choices I made, even in birth, could affect our nursing relationship or that just one bottle could be the beginning of the end. At that point in time, I don't know that having the information would have changed any of my choices anyway. For me, I think I had to take that path and make those choices. It has aided in the way I've formed my current opinions.

You see, I've been there, I've done that. I'm not looking down on women who were given poor advice or lack(ed) the information available. I didn't have it myself. I have been on all sides of the spectrum: I nursed and switched, I exclusively formula fed and I exclusively breastfed. When I say "I know how you feel" in regards to breastfeeding and formula feeding, I mean it.

Thankfully, despite not getting the best start in life, my girls are thriving and healthy. That's wonderful. I didn't see that and say to the indisputable scientific fact "This is untrue, my kids are FINE, therefore, formula does not decrease overall health!". No, instead I said, "This is amazing, interesting information. How lucky I am that my girls don't have (insert health issue, like asthma, diabetes, childhood obesity, etc) for not receiving breastmilk." But, just because my girls came out unscathed didn't mean I couldn't do my best to give my next baby an even better chance at a healthy start to his life. I made it my mission to succeed at breastfeeding. That mission started while I was pregnant with my son.

I read EVERYTHING. I joined breastfeeding forums to see what problems real women were facing with breastfeeding. I read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" from cover to cover like it was the breastfeeding bible. I posted concerns and sought help, before I could even have a problem. I figured, the issues with breastfeeding in the past, for me, were all due to lack of information, so I armed myself. The worst thing, I imagined, would be to have an issue arrive, and try to find the answer at that time, rather than avoiding the issue to the best of my ability, or having the answer already.

I learned my nipples cracked and bled with my first daughter because she wasn't latched properly. A baby who's properly latched will not cause that kind of pain or damage. The only thing that should be expected is initial soreness, for the first few weeks and a slight discomfort at latch on. Once your baby is suckling away, it shouldn't hurt. If it does, it's not right. Learn about proper latch while pregnant. It's ok to have to "learn" to breastfeed. It's natural, but you and your baby will both have to be teachers and believers in each other.

I also learned that scheduling was not only unnecessary, but could hurt my supply and our nursing relationship. When you have a newborn, their stomach is only the size of a marble, and by 1 week the size of a pingpong ball. You cannot expect so much to fit in there. This is why your newborn will nurse almost constantly, because it can only take so much at a time. I didn't resent nursing every 1-2 hours, knowing this is what my baby needed and WHY he needed it.

Weight loss and weight gain are always on a parent's mind. Many babies will lose 10% of their birth weight while in the hospital. This is normal, I learned, and no cause for concern. I also found that when you're receiving IV fluids in labor, your baby is going to have water weight, so they aren't actually losing as much as you think. Wet and poopy diapers were the best way to gauge my newborn's intake, and there were definitely plenty of those!

I could write a book on this information (which is why La Leche League has done that with the womanly art of breastfeeding) because there is a solution or explanation to almost EVERY scenario in the breastfeeding world, you just have to know where to find that info!

If I had to limit my advice to the single most important factor in successful breastfeeding, it would be preemptive education/prevention. You don't search for the answers to the questions on your test while you're taking it, you prepare for it. You study, you perfect your knowledge the best you can with all the resources available. Breastfeeding should be no exception, if you truly wish to succeed. You'll find your breasts aren't too small or too large; that your baby may nurse every hour for 45 minutes or every 3 hours for 15; That your baby doesn't know how to latch right away and it may take 1 try or 100 tries. The one constant, the one truth, is that less than 3-5%(depending on the source) of women can truly not breastfeed their babies exclusively, so chances are, the issues you might be facing, can be worked through. You just need the tools.

Dinosaur Vs. Bedtime

I saw this book at Target the other day and it immediately made me think of Alex. "Alex Vs. Bedtime" would be more appropriate, I thought. Last night was night #2 of him falling asleep without nursing. The night before was pretty hellish and he was up until almost midnight (not TOO uncommon for him) and he was NOT very happy. I just loved him and tried to snuggle with him. It was a battle, especially just trying to keep him contained on his little bed instead of running wildly around. Last night he was out by 11:30. From about 10-11 was pretty awful. But, around 11 he realized he wasn't going to get nursies until morning (even though we talked about and prepared for this and I repeated it over and over). He did say, in tears "Make me happy, mommy. Nursies make me happy.".

It was pretty heart breaking but I know that this is what is necessary for us at this point. I do not intend to wean Alex. I fully support him nursing until he's done, however, it's become more than an obsession and it's caused him to get little sleep, and me as well. I do not want the last part of our nursing relationship to be frustrating. I also do not want to resent his need to keep nursing, which is what I was beginning to feel.

I noticed in the last 2 nights that he actually stayed asleep longer before waking up asking to nurse. Night #1 he woke up frantic, flailing and screaming for it, but last night when he did finally stir, simply crawled into my bed and groggily asked to nurse. I let him. He also hasn't nursed at all today, and is currently napping. I do hope it doesn't lead to him weaning fully, I just want to cut down this night nursing...I cannot do it all night long, work part time, homeschool my older child and take care of them all day (and night, now that my husband works graveyards again).

So, tonight when it's time for Dinosaur to go to bed, I hope the roaring is down to a minimum and maybe we'll shave another 15 minutes off of that bedtime. He seemed to enjoy being sung to sleep last night, telling me "That's a good song, mom" after hearing "Twinkle, Twinkle" 3 times. :)

Rules and Regulations: As They Pertain to Nursing Toddlers

So after working a short closing shift at the store tonight, I came home to a sleepy Alex who wanted mama snuggles. I welcomed him with open arms but attempted to put off the insistent "nursies" requests. You see, while I strongly believe in child-led weaning, we are at a point where I must set limits. The nursing relationship should continue so long as both parties are happy with it. I wasn't happy where we were at but I figured there was a happy medium between nursing CONSTANTLY at 2 years old, and weaning completely.

So, I've implemented a few "rules" for our nursing time. This is for both of our sanity. Mine, so that I don't resent the nursing relationship and can enjoy it until it naturally ends and him so that I don't loose my mind! HAHA

That being said, I never saw myself setting limits on nursing behavior. I figured that in the first year I would nurse 100% on demand with the exception of certain rare circumstances; and I did. After the first year, I continued to allow him free access at all times, but as he grew a little older I noticed that instead of nursing less at night and gradually dropping night feedings, he was nursing ALL night. After observing and taking some time to think about what was going on, I realized that he was such a busy toddler during the day (playing, rough housing, etc) that he was literally too busy for nursies. Here he was burning all this energy and then making up for it at night. Now of course, I always offered him a full course of meals throughout the day, but he was not too big on eating, still isn't that big of an eater.

This was where I started to question natural full-term nursing, maybe it wasn't for us. But, I kept reminding myself that there had to be a way to make it work, I was going to give it that minimum 2 years. Perhaps part of my drive to continue nursing was subconciously due to not nursing my other 2 children. Nonetheless, I wasn't going to call it quits without putting forth some effort.

So, at around 16 months I tried to offer him to nurse more during the day, hoping this would decrease those night time feedings. That proved unsuccessful. I ended up nursing more during the day, and just as much at night. Can we say "ouch"?

The next course of action was to try other methods of getting him back to sleep when he stirred. It makes sense, it's a logical choice. So I'd pat him and rock him, and he'd cry for nursies. I'd have my husband try to soothe him, and he'd cry for nursies. Now, you'd think that after just a few minutes of being loved and cuddled and crying he'd go back to sleep. No. This kid could literally scream for hours for nursies. Oye. After a few nights, my husband and I could not take it and we gave in to the nursies.

It seemed to let up a little, he wasn't attached literally all night long. I could live with a few night time feedings. However, out of nowhere it seemed to start up again, this time he was almost 20 months old. I couldn't stand it. Like I said, I was beginning to resent nursing, as a whole, because the night time nursing seemed so out of hand. But I couldn't let him scream all night either, I have 2 other children to take care of in the day and need to sleep!

My local La Leche League had some good tips: Talk about how nursies go to sleep at night and he can have them when the sun comes up, refuse a few times and put it off before giving in, keep doing what we were doing and within a week or two he should get it, etc. Ok, great. New game plan, let's do it!

I talked to him about how the nursies have to go to sleep as well and then when the sun comes up, they are awake again and he can have them. He liked to talk about this and we showed him the sun through the blinds and kept watching as it set, then we'd exclaim "Bed time, nursies!" and let him nurse one last time. This ended up not working too well. I could put him off a little in the middle of the night, for the first few wakings, but by 4am he wanted them, no questions asked.

This has been an ongoing battle and we've at least gotten it to the point that he's not nursing all night long, only a few times to fall back asleep. We lay him to sleep in his little bed after he's fallen asleep and he comes joining us that first time he wakes up, I just wish I knew how to keep him asleep all night...perhaps it's an unreasonable expectation. Maybe he inherited my poor sleeping habits. It might be due, now, to the fact that I am working part time away from the home. Whatever it is, it's one of the ongoing battles we face as parents. I *know* that nursing him longer will provide better health now and over all for the rest of his life. It's not that I mind, regardless of the difference in opinion of many peers and even family members. The science can't be argued because of personal opinions and comfort. For Alex and myself, it's just something we have to work on, much like a biting face or pants wetting.

After all, I'm sure I'll get a good night's sleep in about 18 years...right?

(Ironically enough, I stumbled upon this shortly after writing this blog. Hmm.)

Acrobatic Nursings

From the time he realized he had feet, Alexander has taken it upon himself to make nursing time into a game. This usually serves to entertain himself, not so much me. It was innocent enough when it started, he'd gently stroke my cheek or chin with his foot, or rub my collar bone...but then, it became more, so much more. The gentle strokes soon turned to kicks FOLLOWED by loving touches. Eventually the kicks were all that remained and not long after that he would simply THRASH about in my arms, typically causing me to say "Enough! You're done!" and end the whole session right then and there.

The thing is, he's not doing it to be mean, the opposite in fact. I think he just so enjoys his nursies but really and truly doesn't know how to sit the heck still! I definitely enjoy still nursing him, as it's usually the one time in the day we are NOT dealing with utter chaos, but when he's in an ornery mood it just makes me irritated!

I think I'm going to purchase some football gear and stay completely suited up throughout the day, this is what my toddler has driven me to! If it's not one thing, it's another. Is it too late to back out of this? *snicker*