Weaning is such sweet sorrow...

When I was pregnant with my third child, Alex, I had set my mind on breastfeeding. I knew that my lack of success with my other two children was due to a lack of knowledge on breastfeeding. After all, just because it's natural doesn't mean it comes to you (or your baby) naturally. Yes, all babies are born with the basic need, tools, and know-how to breastfeed, but there is a lot of interference at play in today's maternity wards, and it can and does affect breastfeeding.

I figured in order to have an enjoyable and successful breastfeeding relationship this time around, I would need to arm myself with some basic understanding of what makes a good nursing relationship. Most women will tell you that the first few weeks are tough, but after that, it's smooth sailing. But many times, "tough" doesn't even begin to describe those first few weeks of nursing, as I experienced with baby #1.

My first source was nursing forums on the web, like different breastfeeding groups on the mothering site Cafemom.com. I learned a lot from these women, but many of them didn't seem to be too hell bent on nursing. There were many posts on weaning for convenience, supplementing, and bad advice that even I, as a so far unsuccessful nursing mother, noticed was bad. I was lucky enough to get a copy of "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (a new edition has just recently been released with more updated information and witty writing style). This book was GREAT. I feel I owe my breastfeeding relationship with Alex to La Leche League. I read every chapter in that book that would pertain to the beginning of my nursing relationship.

At the moment of Alexander's birth in to this world, I accepted him on to my chest. We gazed in to each other's eyes and I attempted to latch him on the breast. Nope, he didn't want anything to do with it. However, after a little time had passed, he eagerly found his way and latched on. But I popped him right off.

One thing I had learned was my cracked, bleeding nipples with my first child, Maggie, were *not* normal and could have been avoided. Pacifiers and a lack of knowledge on how a baby SHOULD latch led to me suffering because of her poor, shallow latching during nursing. When Alex began his first breastfeeding, he was doing it wrong. I removed him from the breast, and we attempted again. As we would continue to breastfeed over the next few days, I continued to correct his latch when it wasn't perfect. I knew how to and what to look for, because I had made sure to learn before hand. It's hard enough adjusting to a new baby, much less a new baby and two toddlers *and* learning how to breastfeed! Having the information before all that stress made this whole nursing thing a ton easier.

Once we settled in to it, our nursing relationship took off. I knew I was going to breastfeed, but I was so happy to have been able to make it that much easier. My plan was to let Alex nurse until he weaned, an age that varies widely across the globe, and even across the country. Most children in the US wean between ages 2-3, but it's hard to tell as extended or "full-term' nursing isn't very common (or accepted) in the US and many women feel societal pressures to wean, even before the recommended and encouraged age of 1.

I must admit, I really didn't think he would nurse past 2. Age 2 was my goal. It is the minimum recommendation from the World Health Organization and the benefits of breastmilk don't stop...ever. I knew his health, and mine, would be optimal for as long as he continued to nurse. But again, I didn't know exactly how long that was going to last.

His 2nd birthday came and went, and "nursies" were one of his favorite past-times. I was happy to continue nursing, afterall, he was hardly sick and suffered no ear infections in his first 2 years of life.

Around age 2.5 I started to encourage and enforce certain rules. If he threw a fit, demanded to nurse, or pulled at my shirt, he was not going to nurse. He would have to wait. If the fit continued, he was not getting it. Just as with anything else, I disciplined him for bad or inappropriate behavior and his attitude toward nursing was no different. I also attempted to night wean him, as I noticed he was losing his suckling reflex (a sign that your child may be ready to wean) and it was getting painful to nurse at night.

I was not at all prepared for him to stop all together, and even these attempts at "regulating" breastfeeding were hardly successful, though I didn't give in or up.

Around the age of 2 years and 10 months my friend was visiting. Alex announced to her that he "had nursies for the last time.". It was so matter of fact and we both laughed at how funny the statement was. He responded with "Yup, I'm a big boy now.". At that moment in time, I did not believe anything he had said. He had been going to bed without nursing, and was maybe nursing once at night, but he still asked during the day. Some days it was only once or twice, others it seemed much more than that, but it didn't seem near done.

Sure enough, that *was* the end of it. As much as I was feeling ready for it to be over, I was surprised at how I felt once it WAS over. I think, in part, because I had expected to know the last time he was nursing, to remember it. To end the last 3 years with some sort of big "Hoorah!". But no, he had decided he was done. Perhaps, in part, to my gentle encouragement that we needed to go about things a little differently.

I do miss it every now and again, just because the bond was so wonderful and we were able to make that quiet, calm connection in the middle of a hectic day, but all in all, I am happy. It seems a little odd now, to have had this relationship for so long and now it's gone. He has become quite the snuggle bunny. I love it, because now we can just cuddle and he doesn't decide to start demanding to nurse, as if that was all I was good for. Instead, I get hugs, kisses, "I love you, mommy".

Yes, it's sad to think he has nursed for the last time, and I don't even know when that was, but I really like this "new" relationship. I hope that by nursing him until he and I were both done has served him well. I'm happy to have made such a turn around and he has taught me so much about mothering. Now, I can look forward to continuing to grow in our relationship, and to nursing the next baby until he/she is "a big boy or girl". :)

Solids: The When, What and HOW.

WHEN?

The AAP states that all infants should be exclusively breastfed for 6 months of life and then at least a year or however long is mutually desired.

Many people don't fully understand what "exclusively" breastfeeding means. It means nothing but breastmilk: no formula, no solids.

Why wait 6 months, why not 4?

A baby's digestive tract matures enough for solid foods (those that aren't breastmilk) between 4 and 6 months of age. Waiting until 6 months ensures your baby's digestive tract can tolerate solid foods. Many of the problems associated with early solids do not show up until later in life and many parents and/or doctors never make the association. It's thanks to many years of studies and the advanced knowledge we've gained about infant's bodies that we know waiting the six month MINIMUM is ideal for optimal health, now and in the future.

Another point often left out of the solid discussion is watching for signs of readiness. Just because your baby is 6 months old doesn't mean they are ready, and just because they've met all the signs of readiness doesn't mean you shouldn't wait until they are 6 months old.

Signs that indicate baby is developmentally ready for solids include:

* Baby can sit up well without support.
* Baby has lost the tongue-thrust reflex and does not automatically push solids out of his mouth with his tongue.
* Baby is ready and willing to chew.
* Baby is developing a “pincer” grasp, where he picks up food or other objects between thumb and forefinger. Using the fingers and scraping the food into the palm of the hand (palmar grasp) does not substitute for pincer grasp development.
* Baby is eager to participate in mealtime and may try to grab food and put it in his mouth.

Baby really needs most/all of these stages to be met as WELL as the 6 month minimum age before they're ready for solids.

A reminder: Solids are *only* for exploration and taste in the first year. They do not replace breastmilk, they are not a nutritional supplement to breastmilk and they should always be given AFTER nursing session. Solids are the first step in weaning.

For more information on solids, visit this great link:
http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/solids-when.html

What have you learned over the years as to how to approach solids? Did you learn anything knew today? What questions might you ask?


WHAT?

Most parents today think the first introduction to food should be fortified rice cereal. Many pediatricians praise that little box of mush. But, how good IS rice cereal, or any cereal, for your little baby?

More on rice cereal: http://www.homemade-baby-food-recipes.com/best-first-food-for-baby.html

You can SKIP the cereal altogether and go for healthy, fresh foods instead. Remember that some foods are unsafe for infants (eggs, peanut butter and milk. Dairy can be added around 9 months old in the form of yogurt, cheese, etc).

Avocado is a great first food as it's mostly bland and high in natural fats, which are important for a developing infant. Many moms will mix breastmilk with their first solid feedings, but it's not necessary. Read your baby, watch for their cues. Let baby take the wheel, too, with exploring solids and don't be afraid of the mess.

Always wait a few days between new foods to watch for possible allergies/reactions and don't over-feed solids.


HOW?

Like I said, let baby take the wheel. Put some food down in front of him/her, sit next to them and watch him explore and enjoy. If baby has met the required milestones for starting solids, then they should be able to pinch and put to mouth any bits of food. If they are unsure of what to do, offer a little taste to intrigue them.

Take it SLOW.

There is no rush to get your baby to eat food. They are getting all the nutrition they need from your milk, this is just for fun and to help them learn so that by about a year old, they are able to eat more meals.

It's always important to listen to your baby, but you have to maintain a sense of responsibility.

Your baby COULD over eat, so don't let them eat more than an ounce or two.

Always wait at LEAST 6 months and make sure all milestones of solids readiness are met.

Avoid known allergens and always watch for reactions no matter what it is you've fed them.

Always wait a few days between trying new foods.

Don't rush, go at your baby's pace.

Have fun!

What's in Breast Milk?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life. It is optimal for both babies and mothers. For babies it can protect against infections and reduce the rates of later health problems including diabetes, obesity, and asthma.

For mothers breastfeeding helps the uterus to contract and bleeding to cease more quickly after delivery. Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of breast and ovarian cancer and also provides a great way for mothers to bond with their babies.

Find a Lactation Conultant in Your Area

The advantages of breastfeeding are numerous. Breast milk is ultimately the best source of nutrition for a new baby. Many components in breast milk help protect your baby against infection and disease. The proteins in breast milk are more easily digested than in formula or cow’s milk. The calcium and iron in breast milk are also more easily absorbed.

The following is a brief overview of the components of breast milk and the nutrients they provide for your baby.

Proteins

Human milk contains two types of proteins: whey and casein. Approximately 60% is whey, while 40% is casein. This balance of the proteins allows for quick and easy digestion. If artificial milk, also called formula, has a greater percentage of casein, it will be more difficult for the baby to digest. Approximately 60-80% of all protein in human milk is whey protein. These proteins have great infection-protection properties.

Listed below are specific proteins that are found in breast milk and their benefits:

• Lactoferrin inhibits the growth of iron-dependent bacteria in the gastrointestinal tract. This inhibits certain organisms, such as coliforms and yeast, that require iron.
• Secretory IgA also works to protect the infant from viruses and bacteria, specifically those that the baby, mom, and family are exposed to. It also helps to protect against E. Coli and possibly allergies. Other immunoglobulins, including IgG and IgM, in breast milk also help protect against bacterial and viral infections. Eating fish can help increase the amount of these proteins in your breast milk.
• Lysozyme is an enzyme that protects the infant against E. Coli and Salmonella. It also promotes the growth of healthy intestinal flora and has anti-inflammatory functions.
• Bifidus factor supports the growth of lactobacillus. Lactobacillus is a beneficial bacteria that protects the baby against harmful bacteria by creating an acidic environment where it cannot survive

Fats

Human milk also contains fats that are essential for the health of your baby. It is necessary for brain development, absorption of fat-soluble vitamins, and is a primary calorie source. Long chain fatty acids are needed for brain, retina, and nervous system development. They are deposited in the brain during the last trimester of pregnancy and are also found in breast milk.

Vitamins

The amount and types of vitamins in breast milk is directly related to the mother’s vitamin intake. This is why it is essential that she gets adequate nutrition, including vitamins. Fat-soluble vitamins, including vitamins A, D, E, and K, are all vital to the infant’s health. Water-soluble vitamins such as vitamin C, riboflavin, niacin, and panthothenic acid are also essential. Because of the need for these vitamins, many healthcare providers and lactation consultants will have nursing mothers continue on prenatal vitamins.

Carbohydrates

Lactose is the primary carbohydrate found in human milk. It accounts for approximately 40% of the total calories provided by breast milk. Lactose helps to decrease the amount of unhealthy bacteria in the stomach, which improves the absorption of calcium, phosphorus, and magnesium. It helps to fight disease and promotes the growth of healthy bacteria in the stomach.

Breast Milk is Best

Breast milk has the perfect combination of proteins, fats, vitamins, and carbohydrates. There is nothing better for the health of your baby. Leukocytes are living cells that are only found in breast milk. They help fight infection. It is the antibodies, living cells, enzymes, and hormones that make breast milk ideal. These cannot be added to formula.

Though some women ultimately are not able to breastfeed, many who think they cannot actually are able to breastfeed. Lactation consultants are able to provide support to women learning to breastfeed. For those who are not able to breastfeed, milk banks can be an alternative.

Last Updated: 08/2006

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Compiled using information from the following sources:

Breastfeeding the Newborn: Clinical Strategies for Nurses. Biancuzzo, Marie, 1999.

Bestfeeding: How to Breastfeed Your Baby. Renfrew, Mary et al, 2004.

Why SHOULD you breast-feed?

We often hear from women how hard it is/was to breast-feed. Some of these well-meaning women may have been there themselves, but many never gave it a go OR approached it with little to no knowledge or desire. You can look up the benefits of breast-feeding and any medically based site will tout it's benefits. We all KNOW that breast-feeding your child is the best thing you can do for them, but here's some reasons why you should straight from the mouth of a mother.

Why do I think you might care what I have to say? Well, I've been on BOTH sides of the fence. Actually, I've been on both sides as well as balancing ON the fence. I have only recently been able to come to terms with some of the guilt I feel over my past choices, and I would HATE for any other woman to have to struggle with the guilt I did simply because you, like I, were uninformed.

So, here are my personal reasons on why *I* think *you* should breast-feed your baby(ies).

1. It is the biological norm- your baby's tummy is designed for consumption of breast-milk. A baby's digestive tract is sensitive and it is susceptible to bacteria. The phrase "breast is best" isn't really the best term, it should be "breast is normal", because it's the STANDARD for optimum infant health.
2. It's FREE!- When I informed my husband that I would be breast-feeding our son come hell or high water, his reaction was simple "Cool, because formula's freakin' expensive!". It wasn't until I educated him more, during my pregnancy, on the benefits of breast-feeding, and even after watching his son thrive on my milk, that he looked at it for it's many other benefits. To him, in the beginning, it was simply enough that we would save, literally, THOUSANDS of dollars by breast-feeding.
3. It's easy- it might not always be easy in the beginning, and yes, many mom's DO face hardships with nursing (though many can be avoided with good education on nursing and/or professional help from an LC) but once you've established your nursing relationship, NOTHING is easier than expose breast and attach baby. That's it, you're done! No lugging around powder, sterile water, clean bottles AND a baby! Boobs are attached, portable, and always ready to go!
4. It's soothing- and not just for baby! Yes, it's true, breast-feeding will calm a fussy baby or whiney toddler like nothing else can, but it is also quite comforting and soothing for mom, both metaphorically as well as literally. When you nurse, you release oxytocin (the feel-good bonding hormone) and seratonin (the sleepy one!) which puts you (and baby) in a state of goo-goo-ga-ga lovey bliss!
   
5. It HELPS PPD- Breast-feeding can help keep PPD (Post Partum Depression) away as well as help it to be less severe. In the event that you still experience PPD to the point of needing medication, there are medications you can take while nursing that will not hurt the baby.
6. It's educational- What? How is breast-feeding educational? Well, let me tell you! When yo breast-feed, other people will inevitably see you doing it! If you have older children, they will undoubtedly be around as you feed the baby, and if they are anything like mine, they will ask questions! This is the PERFECT time to share the beauty of breast-feeding with your children. Remember, they are the future! You can also educate OTHERS by breast-feeding. If you are breast-feeding in public, there may likely come a time when someone confronts you about it (either positively or negatively) and BOTH circumstances can prove benefitial to their breast-feeding education! If it's a negative reaction (usually pertaining to whether you are in the right for breast-feeding in public) you can give them a legal education, as almost every state has a law for breast-feeding mothers, and to my knowledge, NONE have a law AGAINST it! I carry a copy of my state's legislation in my wallet. If it is a POSITIVE encounter, you can perhaps tell an inquisitive person WHY you breast-feed, encourage them to keep going (if THEY are breast-feeding) and all in all, give them exposure to breast-feeding which is helping to remind people it's NORMAL.
7. It's fun- it really is! Especially as your child grows, breast-feeding can become acrobatic and humorous! As you gaze down at your little one suckling away at your breast, you get smiles, giggles, and even the occasional game of peek-a-boo as your baby hides in your breast. Sometimes, the world just melts away as you enter your own little world.
8. It eases baby to sleep- Instead of resorting to possibly damaging methods like CIO (Cry It Out) or having to spend hours rocking, singing or DRIVING to get your baby to go to sleep, you can simply lay with and nurse your child into a peaceful state of slumber. Granted, all babies are different, and what works for one might not work for all, but I have yet to meet a breast-feeding mother who couldn't simply lay with and nurse her little one to sleep, even into the difficult i'llkickandscreamtogetmywayandavoidbedtime toddler years.
9. It's bonding- You hear it all the time, and if you are or have been a formula/bottle feeder, it may jab you the wrong way, putting you on the defense to say "I'm BONDED with my baby! You can bottle-feed and bond ALSO!". Well, no one said you CAN'T bond with a baby despite bottle-feeding. The difference is HOW you bond and how WELL you bond. Breast-feeding gives you skin-to-skin contact, something very essential to newborn bonding. There is no other choice, if you breast-feed, you WILL be skin-to-skin with baby. Also, your breasts are attached to you, meaning there is NO option for NOT holding your baby when you feed them. Even when laying down, you are in contact with your baby. I know many bottle-feeding mothers that SWEAR they have never bottle propped, but truth be told, you WILL do it at some point, it's undeniable. It doesn't mean you ALWAYS bottle prop, but you will be much more inclined to do so, especially when you're trying to get things done and the darn baby just doesn't understand you can't drop everything for them right now! And let's not forget, baby's do learn how to hold bottles, and while they can also hold breasts, they can't exactly do it ALL on their own! Feeding is a very important time for baby, it is important that they are held, so even if you aren't nursing, please, hold your baby.
10. Your child will thank you- I have actually thanked my mother for breast-feeding me. I think it is so wonderful that she made the little sacrifices in order to provide me with the best start in life. She breast-fed me EXCLUSIVELY for my first year of life. I am so happy to know that my mom held me and cuddled me and comforted me, just like I do my son, while also providing me with the most nutritious food for me! I just recently spoke with my friend who discovered she was bottle-fed and when she asked her mom why, she said she just "wasn't comfortable doing that." My friend's response was "Gee, THANKS, mom!" (obviously she was being sarcastic). If your child is still young, they will thank you each time they nurse, just by gazing at you with that intensity, rubbing your breast as they fall to sleep. If your child is a toddler nursing, they may thank you verbally, with something like "Thanks for giving me your yummy milk, mommy!". Even if you're never given a verbal thanks, the appreciation will be there, at some point. You will know, just watching your child thrive off the milk you provide for them, that they are thankful. They are thankful they have a mommy who cares, a mommy who loves them, a mommy who sacrifices to give them the norm, the standard, the best.

If you choose not to breast-feed, I hope that you (and your child) never suffer any guilt from the decision. I say that from the bottom of my heart, having been in a position of regret. If you choose to breast-feed, make sure you have a system of support. Educate yourself in pregnancy by reading books like "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (put out by LLL) or "So That's What They're For", join a group like La Leche League (membership is not required to attend meetings or even borrow from the library) and make sure if birthing in the hospital you have in your birth plan that you wish to see an LC immediately following birth. Arming yourself with knowledge PRIOR to having your baby will help you feel more confident and will also help you counter any difficulties that may arise early. It is a selfless act to breast-feed, and your baby will benefit greatly from your choice to do so!

(cross posted with http://savebirth.blogspot.com)

I am a human toilet.

Being a mother comes with many other titles. You learn them as you go. You become a homemaker many times, a chef, a designer, a manager, a hostage negotiator, and many more things! One title I never thought I'd bear was that of "human toilet" but alas, my fate has been sealed...

I was first introduced to my new job duty with my first child. I was still breastfeeding Maggie and so she was having that seedy, mustard looking poopy as she wasn't on solids or anything yet. Well, I was a young, single mommy and we shared a room at my mother's, so I didn't have a nursery and I usually just changed her on my bed. As I carefully removed her poopy diaper and folded it ever so nicely, I figured she'd be fine diaper free for a sec (after all, it was all in the diaper, right?). Well, I wasn't prepared for what happened next! As I lifted her legs up to put her new diaper on, she projectile pooped ALL OVER ME! I was not only a new mommy, I was a young mommy, so this was not something I was AT ALL prepared for!! I was covered in seedy, liquidy poop! I changed clothes, sheets and finally her diaper and jumped into the longest, steamiest shower ever!

Now that I had experienced this, I knew you were never safe, not even for a moment, from the poop factor! I was always prepared with a fresh diaper to slip right now after the dirty one. I would even make sure to unfold it and prepare the tabs prior to removal of the soiled dipe!

I made it 5 whole years without ever experiencing a poop drench again! That is, until last night...

The baby beast was sitting on my lap, bouncing and cooing about, when I heard the puttering warning sounds of diaper doody (yes, that's a purposeful typo). As he ever so joyfully filled his drawers, my brother and I continued our conversation, that is until I felt wet...very wet. I figured he probably leaked a little and so I lifted him up and O.M.G. I was COVERED in his poopsie! I had no clue how it had made it's way from his bowels to my pants (and shirt, and chair...) because he had not a "drop" on him!!

I laid him down and went to clean up (I've learned now having 3 kids, that hot steamy shower I had the first time...was the last in a LONG time...). Once clean and changed I came back to solve this mystery. The beast was kicking around and laughing, not even phased by the mess in his drawers, but there was still no apparent leak!

Upon further examination, it was clear where the mess had seeped from. Somehow, and without leaving much of a mark, it had leaked out from between his legs, the crotch area, and nicely settled on moi. When I opened his diaper, there was barely a skidmark inside. He had, in fact, covered me in all of his wonderful poopiness.

I finally came to terms with the fact that on top of being a program organizer, a maid, a magician and a performer, I was also a human toilet.

Baby, baby, oh baby!

So...I absolutely LOATHE artificial birth control. The feeling of having artificial hormones in my body and the fact that ALL BC has a "back up" plan to keep an egg from implanting (yes, if it becomes fertilized, it prevents implantation, which to me and many others is a form of abortion) is enough to keep me off it. Not to mention the TERRIBLE symptoms (weight gain, horrid periods, etc) that I experienced when on it. So, where am I going with this?

Seth and I decided while I was still pregnant with turd #3 that I we would use NFP (natural family planning). I had mocked this idea many times before (ex: Q: What do you call a couple that practices nfp? A: PARENTS! hahaha) but the more I learned about it, the more it just made sense. And actually, the more I learned about BC, the scarier it became!!

Now, it's no secret that I'm breastfeeding, and exclusively no less. Ecological breastfeeding is a very effective way to keep fertility at bay, HOWEVER you must "follow" it to a T or else it isn't going to be as effective. We planned on utilizing the benefits of this while I took time to get some NFP books and learn my cycle etc. Well, I didn't plan on having such a good baby! He has been practically sleeping through the night since he was a newborn and even during the day can go hours without a feeding. In order to make breastfeeding an effective way to curb fertility, you MUST feed every 4-5 hours AT LEAST. Needless to say, this hasn't been the case, especially the last 2 months.

Where am I going with this? Well, the Mister and I were having our monthly intimate session (yea, we probably do it more than that, but with 3 kids and still only being 4 months pp, I'm not feeling all that "hot" right now) and basically, we weren't very careful. I haven't bought ANY NFP books (my fault, I know) and so we've been playing it safe, until Friday night. Now, it's way too early to tell anything, obviously, and I'm most likely NOT fertile, even with the breastfeeding gaps, HOWEVER, it really is a possibility that I could end up pregnant from this friendly little romp.

Am I upset? No. Ideally I would have LOVED to TTC when Alexander was around 18 months old and hubby has been pretty on the fence (but moreso on the side of the fence that says "NO MORE KIDS!") so, this would still be a very welcomed pregnancy as I KNOW I want at least one more, it just isn't how I would "plan" it.

At first I was sort of stressing, but, why? Why stress when a) I don't even KNOW if I'm pregnant and cannot test for probably 2 or 3 weeks b) I WANT a fourth child and c) I know, each time I have sex, with BC, condoms, NFP, whatever, it IS A REAL RISK that I could get pregnant, everyone knows that (right?). So, whatever will be will be! I am going to be slightly anxious/nervous for the next couple of weeks until I "know" (I swear, I hate my mind, all day I "felt" pregnant lol) but whatever the results, I'm ready!

**for the record, when used and practiced correctly, NFP is just as effective (if not moreso) than BC. If you are unhappy with the side effects of your BC or just like to life a more natural life style, purchase some books on NFP and start practicing, but do it the right way or else, like any other BC method, you affect it's effectiveness and put yourself "at risk" for getting pregnant**