When I was pregnant with my son I was told by many people, friends and strangers alike, that I was in for a lot of fun, a lot of love and a full heart of love when talking about my future son. The one thing no one honestly told me, was just HOW different raising a boy would be to raising a girl.
First of all, the clothes are harder to find and nothing's as cute for little boys as it is for little girls! I felt lost in the boy's department after shopping for pink for the last 4.5 years!
Secondly, no one told me that the nausea he gave me while I was pregnant wouldn't stop when he was born! Since birth the boy has kept me on my toes and I am constantly worrying about him in one aspect or another...the heartburn and indigestion stayed, too.
And how about finding a name!! You have to be so careful it's not too pretty, can't be mistaken for being feminine...I wanted something strong but not burly. The arguments over names ranked with WW2. And to this day, I'm still not 100% sure about what we picked!
And when you're pregnant with a girl, how many times do you and your husband fight over the cosmetic surgeries she may or may not have after birth? There were no major discussions before with the two girls but throw a boy in the mix and now not only is name picking harder but you have to pick a penis, too!
I could probably go on, but I'll spare you all. If you're a mom of girls and then had a boy, you totally know what I'm talking about! But then all moms of boys know this: that a boy fills your heart with a kind of love that you can only have for your son. Something about how they are constantly creating near death experiences for themselves (and you) brings you closer together. Something about this rough and tumble little kiddo giving you hugs and cuddles pulls at your heart strings so differently.
I always worried, after having my first that I could never give as much love to another child as I had given to her, and yet, two kids later, I've learned that your heart grows and grows, and gives and gives, even after you think it's at capacity.
Was there ever a time in your pregnancy/pregnancies that you wondered what you had gotten in to? How did that change after having your baby?
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
1.27.2010
6.09.2009
Just a day in the life!
So it was not even 9 am and Alex was already painting the cabinets with butter. How, pray tell, did he get butter?
Well, Maggie has a cut on her finger that she insisted needed bandaging, so she ran to the bathroom to get the stepstool, to reach the counter, to get the band aids. However, she did not put it back, so a few bored minutes later Alexander made his way to the stool to find the butter that I had used to put on their toast not long before (we were still EATING breakfast!) and he decided that what he wanted to do with the butter was to give the cabinets a shine...so he did.
Shortly after that, while I was cleaning up the cabinets and putting the butter away, he decided to take off his undies and sit on the couch to pee. If he knew he had to pee, and he knew to take off his underwear, I really don't know why he chose the couch as his target. *sigh*
While cleaning up the urine, he climbed up on to the end table, let out a loud "Ta da!" threw his hands up in the air and launched to the ground, unharmed, thankfully.
I get a diaper on him, because today just doesn't feel like a day to work on potty training and relax for a few minutes before chaos ensues again...it's just another day but man, these days are long!
Well, Maggie has a cut on her finger that she insisted needed bandaging, so she ran to the bathroom to get the stepstool, to reach the counter, to get the band aids. However, she did not put it back, so a few bored minutes later Alexander made his way to the stool to find the butter that I had used to put on their toast not long before (we were still EATING breakfast!) and he decided that what he wanted to do with the butter was to give the cabinets a shine...so he did.
Shortly after that, while I was cleaning up the cabinets and putting the butter away, he decided to take off his undies and sit on the couch to pee. If he knew he had to pee, and he knew to take off his underwear, I really don't know why he chose the couch as his target. *sigh*
While cleaning up the urine, he climbed up on to the end table, let out a loud "Ta da!" threw his hands up in the air and launched to the ground, unharmed, thankfully.
I get a diaper on him, because today just doesn't feel like a day to work on potty training and relax for a few minutes before chaos ensues again...it's just another day but man, these days are long!
2.10.2008
How to Cope
Often times I'm approached by strangers (or even friends and family) asking how I cope with having 3 kids, especially being so young. The short and simple answer is "You just do! There's not a choice NOT to cope!". But, really and truly, there are mechanics in place to make this mother-child relationship work times 3.
So, without further ado, here's how to cope:
Pick your Battles
This has got to be one of the most important pieces to making my puzzle work! If I were to scold or correct everything that one child did "wrong", I'd spend my whole day nagging. I don't wish for my kids to live in a negative environment, nor do I wish to reside in one. So, instead, I pick the parts that I feel deem worthy of discipline or lecture. These include instances that are dangerous, in which someone was hurt (emotionally or physically), when they crossed the line of inappropriate or when they blatantly disregaurd a rule. Other times, I just let it roll. 9 times out of 10 your children will do things simply for the attention they get anyway.
Don't Plan
Now, I may be alone in the mom world here, but for us, if I DON'T plan and just do things spontaneously it works so much better! If I plan on doing something, it almost always stresses me out, gets the kids riled up and ends in a negative way. If I just go on a whim, our ship runs much more smoothly! Now, I plan to a certain extent, like, I know I will need to get groceries sometime in the next 2 days. But, that's the most planning I'll do for it. Then, sometime in the next 2 days, I'll pack the kids up when they're in good moods, load them in the van and head to the store, which will most definitely end up being a hell of a trip, but less of a hassel than had I planned it! It also makes it easier to be spontaneously with a baby who I nurse on demand. Since he's not scheduled, I can nurse him when he asks and then head to the store and not have to worry about nursing, shopping and chasing 2 0ther kids all at once!
Get rid of schedules!
This doesn't work for everyone, and I know it. But for us, NOT scheduling is so nice! Firstly, I HATE being told what to do and when to do it! I'm not always hungry at noon every day, sometimes I want lunch at 11, or maybe 1. Our kids are no different. I keep a vague time frame for when I like things to be done and I DO enforce that, however, it is definitely not to a tee. Bedtime is anywhere before 10pm. Breakfast is whenever the kids ask to eat. Naps...HA, I'm lucky if anyone naps! But that's ok!! This is how we run. This is what works!
Me time!!!!
This is big and EVERY mother should have this, but every mother should remember that her number one priority is her kiddos. Sometimes, me time just DOESN'T happen, and you HAVE GOT to be ok with that. I am! Yeah, I need to walk away sometimes and I've done it! You know those commercials advocating against SBS (Shaken Baby Syndrome)? The ones that say "If you feel like shaking your baby, put it down and walk away."? Well, I utilize that philosophy. If I feel I'm going to yell or spank my kids, I walk away. I believe in gentle discipline, treating children with love and respect, like human beings. So, if I feel I'm not going to treat them that way, I leave the room. I take a breather. Sometimes, that's the only "me" time I get. Other times, I'm able to have my husband (who's usually only working or sleeping) take the kids for 15 minutes. This is usually just enough time for me to regain my strength. Ideally, I wish I could take a weekend away with my husband, but that's not a reality, and I won't let fantasy affect my parenting. Maybe some do. *shrug*
Don't Compare
I don't compare myself to other mommies. If I did, I would go crazy. Why? Because all mommies do things differently. I can't worry about Jane's finances and how they seem so much better off than me, and I can't worry about Marcy's debt because I can't imagine how she does it. It's not my problem. We have our own individual problems. And the same goes with kids. I can't worry about Donna's kids and how they are doing in school, or what milestones her baby has met (or not) or how her marriage is or isn't going. If I looked at all the things other people had, instead of focusing on what we have or need, I'd spend my whole life trying to rearrange my whole life! Ridiculous. So, I worry about us. I focus on us. I am proud of us. I make choices for us. This is how I cope with not going CRAZY!
The thing is, what works for me and mine, may not work for you and yours, but this is how I cope with life as a (practically single) mother of 3. If you're having trouble, feel free to adapt one of my methods, but remember, I am in no way responsible if it doesn't work! Seriously. :)
So, without further ado, here's how to cope:
Pick your Battles
This has got to be one of the most important pieces to making my puzzle work! If I were to scold or correct everything that one child did "wrong", I'd spend my whole day nagging. I don't wish for my kids to live in a negative environment, nor do I wish to reside in one. So, instead, I pick the parts that I feel deem worthy of discipline or lecture. These include instances that are dangerous, in which someone was hurt (emotionally or physically), when they crossed the line of inappropriate or when they blatantly disregaurd a rule. Other times, I just let it roll. 9 times out of 10 your children will do things simply for the attention they get anyway.
Don't Plan
Now, I may be alone in the mom world here, but for us, if I DON'T plan and just do things spontaneously it works so much better! If I plan on doing something, it almost always stresses me out, gets the kids riled up and ends in a negative way. If I just go on a whim, our ship runs much more smoothly! Now, I plan to a certain extent, like, I know I will need to get groceries sometime in the next 2 days. But, that's the most planning I'll do for it. Then, sometime in the next 2 days, I'll pack the kids up when they're in good moods, load them in the van and head to the store, which will most definitely end up being a hell of a trip, but less of a hassel than had I planned it! It also makes it easier to be spontaneously with a baby who I nurse on demand. Since he's not scheduled, I can nurse him when he asks and then head to the store and not have to worry about nursing, shopping and chasing 2 0ther kids all at once!
Get rid of schedules!
This doesn't work for everyone, and I know it. But for us, NOT scheduling is so nice! Firstly, I HATE being told what to do and when to do it! I'm not always hungry at noon every day, sometimes I want lunch at 11, or maybe 1. Our kids are no different. I keep a vague time frame for when I like things to be done and I DO enforce that, however, it is definitely not to a tee. Bedtime is anywhere before 10pm. Breakfast is whenever the kids ask to eat. Naps...HA, I'm lucky if anyone naps! But that's ok!! This is how we run. This is what works!
Me time!!!!
This is big and EVERY mother should have this, but every mother should remember that her number one priority is her kiddos. Sometimes, me time just DOESN'T happen, and you HAVE GOT to be ok with that. I am! Yeah, I need to walk away sometimes and I've done it! You know those commercials advocating against SBS (Shaken Baby Syndrome)? The ones that say "If you feel like shaking your baby, put it down and walk away."? Well, I utilize that philosophy. If I feel I'm going to yell or spank my kids, I walk away. I believe in gentle discipline, treating children with love and respect, like human beings. So, if I feel I'm not going to treat them that way, I leave the room. I take a breather. Sometimes, that's the only "me" time I get. Other times, I'm able to have my husband (who's usually only working or sleeping) take the kids for 15 minutes. This is usually just enough time for me to regain my strength. Ideally, I wish I could take a weekend away with my husband, but that's not a reality, and I won't let fantasy affect my parenting. Maybe some do. *shrug*
Don't Compare
I don't compare myself to other mommies. If I did, I would go crazy. Why? Because all mommies do things differently. I can't worry about Jane's finances and how they seem so much better off than me, and I can't worry about Marcy's debt because I can't imagine how she does it. It's not my problem. We have our own individual problems. And the same goes with kids. I can't worry about Donna's kids and how they are doing in school, or what milestones her baby has met (or not) or how her marriage is or isn't going. If I looked at all the things other people had, instead of focusing on what we have or need, I'd spend my whole life trying to rearrange my whole life! Ridiculous. So, I worry about us. I focus on us. I am proud of us. I make choices for us. This is how I cope with not going CRAZY!
The thing is, what works for me and mine, may not work for you and yours, but this is how I cope with life as a (practically single) mother of 3. If you're having trouble, feel free to adapt one of my methods, but remember, I am in no way responsible if it doesn't work! Seriously. :)
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